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How Rensa Sees It: The MAN who mothered me

How Rensa Sees It: The MAN who mothered me: It is with great pleasure that I dedicate this post to the only man whom I love wholeheartedly........MY DAD. Today is Mothers Day. Just whe...

The MAN who mothered me

It is with great pleasure that I dedicate this post to the only man whom I love wholeheartedly........MY DAD. Today is Mothers Day. Just when I was lacking inspiration I've found something meaningful (to me) to blog about......its been a long time coming.
It is almost customary in Jamaica for a child to have a dead beat dad, but I my friends am an exception. Real men are few and scarce. He may not be the most handsome, the smartest or richest man but he's mine...all mine. I know no other who works like my father, none who loves more. There is NOTHING I would trade for my dad.
Mom left when I was three; my father my brother and I and while there was some resentment, there is nothing i would change. Sweet memories of him combing my hair (a sight I try to forget), him pressing my uniform, him making me breakfast and then dropping me to school on the sweetest ride I've been on.....his bicycle! Daddy's little girl! Still am up to this day. There is nothing I was short of.....I never grew hungry, I went to school everyday, always had clothes on my back and the best of them all....i was never short on love! The necessities of life. Dad worked hard....sometimes i wouldn't see him coz he was doubling shifts just to be that provider. If I wanted $50 and he only had $20 he would find a way to provide and when there was no possible way then and only then I was taught to do without.

Everything I am today is because of that man. He was there always for support...every play, every dance recital and if he couldn't make a show he would come see the rehearsal. He was there; for my first crush, through the chicken pox my first period everything he guided me through it all. there is never a time I was ever upset at my dad though I'm sure he's been disappointed in me. He showed me the ways of a woman, the ways of a man. He showed me the world for this I'm truly grateful. I salute you dad, and all the fathers who were mothers too. the few that there are. REAL MEN WITH GOLDEN HEARTS. And with tear-filled eyes i say HAPPY MOTHERS DAY DAD, I LOVE YOU, ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

The Stamp on my Forehead

ok so i need some help....maybe i'm blind, dumb or plain old stupid.i don't get it why do guys have to be such complete assholes? any suggestions? i cant fathom what it is. i swear i'm not the type to just go off coz i'm not a bitter person. I have no man issues. I'M HOT! but some guys really have it out fa me...i must've been a bitch in a past life coz i sure kno how to pick em. i firmly believe (and i kid u not when i say this) that i have an invisible sign on my forehead that reads "ASSHOLE WANTED! APPLY HEREIN" surrounded by big flashing lights that uses extra voltage when males walk by. it appears only guys can see it, it scares away the good guys (few that are either dumb gay or taken) and well u can guess who it attracts. i don't even know what else to write bout these dogs! i have so many stories. like last night i went out saw a guy i liked fr back in the day he liked me2 but the timing was just wrong when things improved he started to move shady and well quite simply neva want to get wit me and he had the chance. i got fat lil while after that and lost the weight and well now he has a whale of a girlfriend (dwl). anyway so he comes over wanting to talk and pretty much requesting  to drop mi home coz he wanted to talk. i say of coarse not u have a girlfriend. then the convo continues bout caring fa me and blah blah blah....anyway after a few hours i say i will let us talk to bury the hatchet once and for all......so i say yes he can drop mi home....lololol well he had his home in mind for the destination and of coarse his "talking" was to be more physical than verbal if u get my drift so i said no thank u.....ye he was no longer interested in dropping me home, pretty much didn't talk to me the rest of the night and even left without saying bye...now how delicious is that. i chuckled to myself. i texted him wen i got home "not even a wave goodbye and if i said yes to screwing u, u would've held my hand down the stairs, lol u men are so funny" to which i woke up to a long reply on facebook about him caring and how his girl friend is leaving and he wants to work things out now dwl i almost fell off my bed!!!!! apparently i'm a secondary choice. i dont play that!!!! sigh the story shall get more interesting. we shall see! some details of coarse i had to leave out i wouldnt want to embarass the poor fella.......

Life's what you make it...and thats just How Rensa Sees It!

Honey Im Home!!!!!!!!! dwl

He left without saying goodbye. my heart sank as i heard the news. it had been 2days since i last saw him and i just was not ready to let him go. Not yet.  2yrs of our on again off again relationship was just not enough; i wanted more of him. I couldnt get enough. He was like cream and i the coffee. I loved him.

The phone rang while i was asleep; i answered, when i heard his name, thought ran through my mind in an expeditious manner.  My mouth froze. My honey was home. I anticipated seein him again. What would i say to him? 3yrs hes been gone, he had some explaining to do.

He got out the car and lifted me up. it was like magic. My contentment was too much to contain. The anger subsided. I was in his arms again. when he held me i was like butter on toast. i felt light as i melted into his arms and he placed a kiss on my cheek. i welcomed his embrace, in facet i longed for it. There was an eery familiarity of his touch that felt so new with each stroke of his finger across my back. Pheromones heightened; i gazed into his eyes and he gazed back. I broke the star as his green/brown eyes told the story of the love that once was. I couldnt let him see that i was weak, but alas he lifted my head by the chin and brought my lips to his. The 3yrs of anger i had built up against him quickly vanished. My body was now his for the taking.

From Frog to Prince?

Call me lazy call me busy whatever u call me; make it good. I  havnt written a post in over 3 mnths wow seems like a long time huh? Nope seems like just yesterday i wrote about bein a single girl during christmas. well here's an update for you.....im still single....ya go figure. I dont kno maybe its my choice of guys and what i dread believing.....its me!!!! I refuse to even give it a second thought. Im not perfect but come onnnnn. Well maybe a lil part of it has to do with me.....aceptance *sigh*. I often believe that i am livin my brothers karma...yep i said it...im bein treated like how my brother used to treat girls either that or im just simply my mothers daughter, seems im following in her footsteps. i just cant seem to fathom that im 23 (24 in july) and my last real serious relationship was......never! Ive had boyfriends, but ive never truly been in love. ive never had someone love me when i loved them or love someone who loved me. almost evry guy ive been wit as in bf/gf told me they loved me AFTER we broke up; and it so happened its them that broke up with me....i dont kno how to pencil out that one nope i dont....smh. Something was always a problem either they were with someone, long distance, i was with someone. It seems i was always wit the right one at the wrong time. If i was to ever speak about the situation i was in rite now you would think i made it up, but you kno they do say real life is stranger than fiction. Im just so tired of even tryin to be with someone, to the point where im almost content with bein alone, ive accepted it as a way of life, ive gotten so used to men mistreating me that i dont know chivalry/romance when it stares me dead in the face. im a strong woman i kno what i want, im th eperfect balance of femininity. some men cant handle me. im blunt and quite upfront, i dont see why i should make an excuse for my sexual prowess,desire, or need. im the type to ask a guy out. the type who will offer to pay for lunch(not inna dis recession tho, unless a one juicybeef lol a jk). I do some of the "masculine" things in a relationship, and its not to downplay my man's ego/masculinity or to show my independence; its just that i think a relationship should be 50/50. A man doesnt always have to get the tab, or get the door or ask me out. A man doesnt always hav to make the first move. Share the responsibility! some guys just dont kno what to do with a bold woman a woman who knows what she wants and goes for it and makes no apologies. Some of you men are too backward. The world has evolved with evrything in it. So in conclusion i say nothing is wrong with me, haha. No ones perfect, and i feel God just wants us to kiss a few frogs before we meet our prince. Well im puckerin up and getn my wart ointment coz im sure i got a few more frogs to kiss.Ribbit

Love is on the way, and thats just How Rensa Sees It. :)

DONT LET ME GET ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Writers block????? It sure seems that way.............or maybe I'm going crazy. there are so many things going on  in my head i don't even know where to begin, its like an entirely different universe up there, I'm fine with it however; as the voices keep me company on nights like this when i cant sleep. Nights when i have mixed emotions, when i feel alone and scared and depressed, nights when all i can do is stare at the halo in my ceiling or gaze upon the stars.
Christmas has come and gone and the new year approaches and as usual i spend it how i normally spend it.....alone, well not completely, my dogs bark every now and again and i keep them company when the tv is tired of watching me. and of coarse there's Christmas dinner, i eat with my friend and her family. but alas i spend the days alone and the nights my pillows smile at me. no arms to cuddle in bed with, no body to keep me warm,this my friends is my Christmas tradition. Ive become it seems, content with loneliness, or complacent rather. always the single friend. the saying "always the bridesmaid.never the bride" fits suitably. now here comes the New Years Eve party woooot! the elegant dress,perfect hair, perfect make-up, closest friends,and all the champagne one can drink.........but somethings missing...aha the boyfriend or even the date for that matter. That's right i don't have one!!!! when the ball drops and the clock strikes 12 I'm gonna be near a bathroom kissing the mirror coz I'll be my own date. Sad but true, each year i just stand around and wait on my friends to stop making out with their boyfriends so i can get a hug lol OK so maybe that's exaggerated a tad bit (notice the word tad) but it sure seems that way. This shouldn't surprise me i saw this life coming when i couldn't get a date for my high school prom I'm dead serious! i ride solo hahaha.
I don't know maybe its the time of year or the change of weather or the meds i been on coz i got sick due to the change of weather but i do know that I'm feeling pretty darn alone this time of year, and i guess that can be one of my resolutions;to not be lonely next year lol. Well happy holidays to me.

Be content with yourself>>>>> That's just How Rensa Sees It!!!!!